Recently, I've felt as though I've been spinning in circles with a complete lack of direction. And then it hit me. This is the first year of my life where I am not in any form of education. This is it.
This is my life.
At first, this was completely overwhelming. What am I doing with my life? What happens if I'm wasting my life? What if I'm laying on my death bed thinking about how I wasted my youth? I'll admit I was exceedingly overdramatic about the whole thing, but in many ways it felt like the job I've always done to finance the gaps in my life (making coffee), had turned into my career.
But then things began to sink in. I'm not walking in the wrong direction. There isn't even a direction to be going in the first place. I had completely got myself wrapped up in the false belief that everything was falling apart, but in some weird way, things were somehow falling together without me even noticing. When I had stopped spinning, I could see that actually, my life has a very clear and positive structure to it.
I've booked my driving test. I am this close to being fully licensed to drive, something I'd put heavily on the back-burner since I started university. Without realising it, I'd overcome one of the biggest obstacles to the 'stuck' feeling I've had with being back in Weymouth. Soon I will conquer the open road, and be able to explore new places, as well as be able to travel to all the people I love.
I'm also extremely grateful for the opportunities for development my work as offered me. I've figured that it's an option I absolutely must explore, if not for a lifetime within the company then at the very least as an chance to better myself. I really do enjoy my job, and for however long I find myself working there, I want to do well and exceed.
And finally, I realised that at some point; I absolutely must move to the USA. I owe this to years of dreaming. Even if it's only for six weeks, six months, or six years, it's a chance I have to take. Obviously this is not something I can just wake up and run to the airport in the morning for. This is the endgame for my current plans. This is the place I ultimately wish to get to, whenever, and however it becomes possible.
There is no such thing as going in the wrong direction. The only direction there really is, is within yourself. Make goals, however big or small, and get there one step at a time.
(And remember, going backwards is still taking a step. It means you're not stuck in the same position, and sometimes this can definitely be a positive thing!)
Much love ♥
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