(I warn you now, I cried writing this. It's not a very text-heavy post, but it certainly helped me to get out how I feel about what has happened. This may be slightly upsetting for some people to read.)
Yesterday we put my dog, Lucy, to sleep.
I've never really experienced loss before, well not in a way that I remember it. My gran died when I was young, which was horrible, but I think I was generally too young to understand what was going on, which in a sense made it all the more bearable. So to me, this pain, this grief is an all new emotion. I know she was just a dog, but we've had her for nearly 11 years, which for me equates to over half of my life. She's been there for everything I can remember, my parents divorce, my brother being bullied, all my (many) ups and downs. Lucy was always the one constant, she was more than a dog, she was a major part of the family.
One of the things which made it worse, was knowing that it was going to happen, and being an active part in the process of it. We chose to have her put down. Were we being cruel to be kind, or just selfish? It seems cruel to play God, but is it for the best? I honestly would not have agreed to what happened if I didn't believe that it was the best choice for the situation. She was suffering, and her condition was getting worse and worse, and it had to end. But knowing that her pain is over definitely didn't make it any easier, but I think we all know that it was the right choice.
So, is it ever a good time to say goodbye? I don't think there will ever be a good time to say goodbye to someone who has played a big part of your life, regardless of whether they are a pet or not. You can be as prepared as possible, but you will never be ready to say goodbye for good, and I don't think you're supposed to. People and animals come into your life for a reason, and they never truly leave, or at least I don't believe they do. A little part of the people who make a difference to you must stay with you forever in a sense, or at least that's what I like to think.
So with this horrible moment in my life slowly passing, I pass on the one thing I have learnt from this. No matter what heartbreak and loss you encounter, life, in some form or another, must always go on.
Much love ♥
No comments