Hi everyone! Sorry for my absence, but yesterday I got back from a fantastic week away in Gran Canaria, and I can honestly say I've had a really good time. I can also say it's been a bit of a learning curve for me, but despite a few bumps along the week, it's been an overall really great experience. Luckily I had 4 lovely ladies, Lisa, Sophie, Natalie and Hannah, to experience it all with.
We got up at the crack of dawn to make our way to Bristol Airport, which is pretty much in the middle of nowhere, where we met up with Hannah and settled down for our 4 hour flight. So far so good. We managed to find our transfer and eventually wound up at our hotel. It was pretty impressive how we managed to get there, and our hotel was lush! I think we were all slightly expecting something as bad as in the Inbetweeners Movie. Our hotel had two pools, and the rooms were ridiculously massive!
Our first obstacle of the week was being greeted by Steve the Conman. We all believed he worked for our hotel and he managed to persuade us to part with €20 for a ticket which gave us free entry to all the nights out. At first this seemed great, but as soon as we got into the hotel and spoke to the receptionist, we realised it was probably too good to be true. We ran back out and forced him to give us his mobile number, saying that if he didn't show up the next night, we would cut his testicles off and make them into chowder. Reluctantly, he agreed.
Feeling a little bit better about the situation, we finally went and checked into our hotel. Our hotel was all you can eat, and all you can drink. I can assure you that this was abused to the maximum. Our first night was spent trying all the drinks and jumping up and down on our beds (I do NOT recommend a vodka slushie, it tasted awful.) One of the hardest things to get used to since I've come home is not being able to go and get food whenever I want it. The buffet was amazing, it had so much choice, and you could have as much or as little as you wanted. There were several nights where I had two plates of food followed by a huge bowl of ice cream. Why not, when in Gran Canaria...
Lisa and I, who were sharing a room, managed to end up with the most temperamental door in the history of doors. When we first checked in, we spent a good 20 minutes trying to get into our room. No luck. We had to go back up to reception, who explained that our key-cards had been wiped! The next morning, we went to put our "Do Not Disturb" sign up, and somehow managed to snap it in our lock! I've never in my life seen anyone else manage to go something like that, but luckily after much struggling with tweezers, we got the piece of plastic out. Stupid door.
The second day was spent in the pool and sunbathing, and being burnt to a crisp. Probably not the best way to start your holiday, and I was constantly applying sun cream! It just goes to show how hot and how strong the sun was there. Evening came, and it was time to see if Steve the Conman would show up, and to our surprise, he did! We followed a train of people walking to the Kasbah centre for the night, which was completely terrible. We all got stamped with playboy stamps, trashy! The drinks weren't exactly as cheap as I'd hoped, and I literally had shots forced upon me. Plus there was literally only one girl dancing, and it was just embarrassing to watch. It looked like she was auditioning for a music video. Lisa and I left early and wound up back at our hotel watching the karaoke around the pool, which was far more entertaining. I'd much rather spend my night watching two welsh girls butchering "Living On A Prayer" than being forced to drink expensive drinks.
Monday came, and we decided to give the pool a break and hit the shops. I've come to the conclusion that you can go anywhere in the world and find the same rubbish in the gift shops, but I'll admit, I do love it. We spent ages trying to find the tackiest fridge magnet we could find, which was won by a cartoon camel driving a sports car (????), and buying some awful souvenirs for people back home.
Defeated by the shops, we decided to hit a bar that night, and found ourselves in Sparkles. Sparkles is the best drag bar I've ever been in (okay so it's the first one I've been in, but it'll take a lot to top it), and the drinks were so good and so cheap! During happy hour, a huge cocktail pitcher was €13, and this was enough to last me all night. Entry to the bar was free, and you got to watch a different drag show every night. By the end of our holiday, I was in love with the place. We got to know all the drag queens, plus all the bar staff who made the place feel like home every night. I definitely recommend a trip to Sparkles to anyone who finds themselves in Gran Canaria!
The following night was once again spent in Sparkles, with a trip to the beach for Lisa, Natalie and I during the day. The beach was beautiful, and the weather was so hot! On our walk down to the beach, we were approached by two African women, who practically dragged me over to sit on a wall and started braiding my hair. I couldn't escape, I was trapped on the wall by two women who were doing my hair without my permission, fabulous. Whilst I was there, one of the women started tying these bracelets onto all our wrists, saying "peace from Africa", and started doing some strange voodoo chanting. Finished, they then had the cheek to charge Lisa and Natalie €5 each for the bracelets, and me €15 for my hair, plus €5 for my bracelet!! The moral of the story is, don't stop walking for anyone, or you will be cursed by Africa and wind up with half your hair braided.
That's roughly the first half of my week adventures in Gran Canaria, but trust me, it gets much stranger in the second half. Look forwards to reading about my near death experience and how I very nearly didn't even make it home! (No exaggeration here, you'll see next time.)
Much love ♥
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