Green light...

Today, I passed my driving test first time.

 

 

This has been one hell of an experience, one that has genuinely challenged me. I had high hopes that I'd effortlessly pick up learning to drive, but it's been a lot tougher than I thought. It turns out, you can't be naturally brilliant at everything; and more frustratingly so, to not be naturally brilliant at the one thing you want the most.  I've had a fair few tantrums behind the wheel, as well as a few tears. I've even had lessons that have gone so badly (such as catastrophically failing a mock test by pulling out at a crossroads in front of a load of traffic..), that I've had to spend the day horizontally on the sofa to mentally recover.

 

But nevertheless, I've somehow managed it. I had an absolutely brilliant driving instructor (if you're in Weymouth, you should definitely learn with Andy Woodgate!), and if anything he deserves a medal for putting up with me for so many hours.

 

I was weirdly calm all morning leading up to my test, and just before I got called forwards, Green Light by Lorde was playing on the radio. It's my absolute favourite song at the moment, so I feel like somehow, the universe was sending me positive vibes. If you've not heard it yet I thoroughly recommend, so much so that I've put it below so you too can have a little bop around your room.

 

 

Exactly a year ago today I handed in my dissertation. The 21st of March has somehow become a day to remember. For the last two years, it's been a day which symbolises that hard work pays off. I put far too much pressure on myself, especially if it's something I really want to excel in, and the rush you get when it all pays off, and pays off well, is exhilarating. I'm an overachiever junkie and proud. I'd rather work my arse off for everything I have and be able to look back and see all the things I've done.

 

 

So here's to the open road, let the adventures begin!  ♥
 

For Adam...

On this day, 21 years ago, I stopped being an only child, and had to share the spotlight with my little brother, Adam. We've fought for the spotlight ever since (which is crazy really because I'm clearly the favourite child), but seeing as it's your 21st birthday, I'll let you have front and centre stage just this once.

My family means the world to me, especially my brother, Adam. Being a sibling is a bond unlike any other. It's the ability to fight and hate each other, whilst fiercely defending each other from the vile words and actions of others. It's all of the inside jokes which accumulate throughout the years that no one else could ever decipher. It's sharing the same feelings about your crazy parents that no one else in the world could understand. And it's knowing that they are one of the only people on the world you can naturally depend on for support, no matter what.

I have a million memories I could share, but I would be blogging for days. So instead, here are a few embarrassing pictures to mark the occasion.

 

 

Watching you grow up into the man you are today makes me feel incredibly proud to call myself your sister. From the bullying, to the family drama, to life being generally shit sometimes; I will always have your back. You may be a lazy pain in the arse who does my head in 24/7, but I wouldn't change you for the world. You're the yin to my yang, the gin to my tonic, the Pikachu to my Ash, and the naïve to my codeine.

I love you millions  ♥

(I probably won't admit this again for ages so feel free to savour the moment)

A world within myself...

People talk about 'knowing themselves' as if there is a definitive answer to the kind of person you are, but I think who you are is constantly changing all the time. I will hold my hands up and say I am still learning a lot about the person I am every single day, and I'm okay with that. I am made up of a million thoughts and feelings which vary day to day, scenario to scenario, and I can only be predictable to a certain extent. But I am learning to love every aspect of myself, from the happy loner to the social butterfly.

  

 

Sometimes it feels very surreal to me all the things I have done with my life; especially as I sit here in my pyjamas curled up under a blanket, half blogging/half watching The Vampire Diaries on Netflix. It would be hard to believe that the girl sat here typing this is the same girl who has flown alone to different countries, lived in a different town without my family, or even been on a 14 hour pub crawl. Sometimes, the opposing extremities of my personalities confuses even myself. How can I be so outgoing for someone so incredibly reclusive? How can I be so lazy for someone who wants to achieve so much?

 

These are all the parts of me which make me 'me', and I'm not afraid or ashamed of any of them.

 

There are layers to my personality, and it's weird to me how I (without realising) allow different people to see different versions of myself. Without any conscious choice, different people see me in different ways, whether it's at the most basic surface level, or because in some strange way we 'click' and just understand each other.

 

I am shy. I am outgoing. I am lazy. I am productive. I am passionate. I am reluctant.

 

I am human.

 

And I am a whole world within myself.

 

 ♥