Today I am thankful

I haven't blogged in 9 months, I could have had a freaking child in that time (which FYI, I didn't), but I have no remorse or regrets about abandoning my little corner of the Internet.

I have had a whole lot of shit to work my way through, which just seemed to spiral into bigger and bigger dramas. It got to the point where I had to throw my hands up and admit out loud, "I cannot cope anymore."

 

 

It is scary as fuck admitting that you don't have your shit together.

 

 

So back in March, James and I launched our new business venture, Tide, selling sea glass jewellery. This has been a huge lifeline for me this year, something to pour my energy into. It kept me going when I had moments where the sofa and I had morphed into one unrecognisable mess.

Not too long after this, my Nan got rushed into hospital. She hadn't been well for years, but this time was different. A few weeks later our fears were confirmed, she had cancer. The outlook wasn't optimistic. During the months between her diagnosis and her eventual death, I think my entire family had a hard time coming to terms with what was happening.

I haven't lost someone close to me in my memorable life. My other Nan died when I was six, but I only remember fragments of her, so I felt like it didn't impact me as much.

I was also going through my own health issues, experiencing pain in my lower abdomen, which resulted in many long consultations and enough medication to open my own pharmacy. I was even told at one point that I might not be able to have children, which devastated me. This has since been made irrelevant, but at the time, it just added to the snowball of stress I was feeling. I am feeling much better now thankfully, so one less thing to be overly stressed about.

Things just seemed to amplify, and sometimes it just felt almost laughable. At one point, a lorry crashed into our living room bay window, and we are still waiting for someone to come and permanently fix the hole it left. Our car kept breaking down and costing us a fortune. In the same week as my Nan died, our car battery died, and one of our tyres exploded. The car, and myself, had hit breaking point.

 

 

I had a bit of a mental breakdown.

 

 

I went into work one day in my retail job, and a mere 10 minutes into the shift, I was sitting on the stairs to the basement stockroom, bawling my eyes out, unable to face anyone.

I was sent home, plucked up the courage to see the doctor, who diagnosed me with anxiety and mild depression, and signed me off work.

I had a few months off of work, which was desperately needed. I got to spend a fair bit of time with my Nan, see my family and friends, and pour a lot of time into finding what would make me happy and calm again.

I left my retail job, and my friend Lisa helped me to get a job where she works, which I am really enjoying. I like the people I work with, I like what I create, and I very much like not having to make awkward small talk with rude customers.

James and I pushed our business further, creating new lines of jewellery, and actively going out and selling at craft fairs. The response we have had from our community has been great, which really encourages us to keep going.

I can't think of anything I love more than coming home from work, curling up on the sofa in my pyjamas under a big pile of blankets, binge-watching Project Runway, and playing GameCube with James. This is my happy place, This is where I feel centred, and the most 'Hazel' I can be.

I still have moments where I feel overwhelmingly anxious and low, but they don't last for nearly as long as before. It took a long time for me to admit to myself that it will always take me longer to process things in life than the average person. I both thrive and can be crippled by stress. I love to be busy and wear myself out, but I also love doing absolutely nothing.

I'm currently sat here, with a slightly fuzzy head from my work Christmas meal last night, mostly from a lack of sleep and desperate need for a big glass of water. James and his 11-year-old brother are laughing and playing games together, and I am curled up on the sofa in my dressing gown. I may not have showered yet, and the flat may be a complete mess, but I'm really thankful.

 

I am thankful for all of the amazing people I share my life with.

 

 

I am thankful for all the time I got to spend with my amazing Nan. I will treasure it forever.

 

 

I am thankful that I am able to talk about all of this shit, even if no-one reads it. Talking helps.

 

 

And most of all, I am thankful that I don't have my shit together. I am not ever going to have my shit together, because I will always need a little bit of chaos to keep me going.

 

 

Amen to the mess.

 

 

 

Tide...

James and I have gone into business!

That's right, ya gal is now making and selling jewellery. All of our items is made from sea glass, which we have locally sourced from the Jurassic Coast, down here in lovely Dorset.

 

 

Very long story short, James found some sea glass whilst out walking along Chesil Beach, and after an evening of head-scratching, we decided to try and make jewellery out of it. It has been a lengthy process, learning how to make jewellery is not for the faint hearted. There were a mixture of failures and successes, as we tried to figure out what actually worked and what looked good. The hardest part was stepping away and asking ourselves, "would we buy this?", and didn't launch the business until we eventually said yes.

 

I love where I live, this is no secret to anyone. James and I wanted to find a way to share our love for the coast in way that people could get involved, whilst looking after the environment too. Each time we beachcomb, we collect litter too, as our little way to give back to the landscape for providing for us. All the glass we collect is sustainable, and we always leave things how we find them.

 

 

I would love you all forever and ever if you clicked the link below and liked our Facebook page. It's the easiest way to keep up to date with all the gossip and new products. You can also check out our Etsy page, which we are hoping to continue building.

 

Facebook

 

Etsy

 

I'm so excited to continue sharing this with the world.

 

Much love  ♥

 

The New Year review...

Blimey what a year. 2017 has been (and please excuse the horrible cliché) a life changing year. I feel like I have done literally everything, which I'm well aware is a huge exaggeration, but seriously, I have accomplished loads. In the thick of it all though, you never realise just how much you are doing. It's only in these moments of reflection that you actually see how far you've come.

 

 

For example, as I sit and write this now, I'm currently curled up in my new Christmas pyjamas and dressing gown, with a casserole cooking in our new slow cooker (cheers mum, truly a fab and underrated xmas idea, because coming home to food ready cooked brings me so much joy). I've definitely cracked this whole 'adulting' thing. 2017 has been the most 'adult' year of my life, and I have to admit I bloody love it. I've always been a bit of an old soul, never really felt comfortable going out and awkwardly dancing in clubs; so it's nice to finally settle down into the age I feel I was truly prepared for. There is nothing better than having cosy nights in with James, curled up with lovely food, a film, and good cup of tea. I genuinely believe I've only worn heels once or twice this year. I'd much rather be chilling out in my slippers, thank you very much.
 

 

So here is the slightly smug list of things I have done this year...

 

I started dated James in March. Moved into his flat with him in June, and then moved into our own flat in September.

 

I passed my driving test in March and bought my car, Carrie in June, and have not crashed, got a ticket, or caused harm to myself, my passengers, my car, or other cars, which is nothing short of a miracle.
 

 

Went to Majorca in May with my mum and Adam, and Corfu with Steph in July, because only having one summer holiday a year is so overrated.

 

Went to Amsterdam with James for my 23rd birthday (Jesus I'm old now, I was 19 when I started this blog), and had a really great time. Apart from the cycling.

 

Bought a sofa in October. How damn adult is that?! Plus we've essentially sorted out everything we needed for our flat, like a dining table, bedside tables, and all the weird things you don't realise you need to actually live.

 

Had my first ever Christmas morning somewhere other than my mums with James, which was so lovely and chilled, and we made the worlds-worst gingerbread house.
 

 

Saw Royal Blood with my brother and Bananarama with my Mum both in  November, and remembered how much fun gigs are.

 

Been on countless mini-adventures and days out, mostly with James, to places like Corfe Castle and Winchester, keeping the wanderlust dream alive.

 

Started making loads of stuff like candles and jewellery, and we turned out to be quite good at it.

 

There are so many more things I've done this year, like cooking my first ever roast, wearing a bikini and not giving two shits about what anyone thought of me in it, and jumping off of a boat. I've gained loads of new friends, and a new family as well through James, which I am incredibly grateful for.
 

 

All round, a pretty good year!

 

Roll on 2018, I have never been so excited for a year to begin, because I actually for once feel settled and ready for it.

 

Happy new year everyone, much love ♥

 

The Christmas countdown...

It's the most wonderful time of the year

 

 

I think we can all safely say that nothing beats the feeling of contentment during Christmas in the evening, when you're surrounded by loved ones and feeling gluttonous from stuffing your face with pigs in blankets. But alas dear friends, I have a confession. 

 

I am so out of the Christmas spirit.

 

It breaks my heart. Surprisingly, I am constantly surrounded by the season at work, but it's like it hasn't sunken in at all. I am not absorbing the festivities as I usually would. I did all the usual tricks; went to a garden centre to surround myself with twinkling lights and baubles, bought most of the presents, and I've even ordered the turkey. So why on earth am I feeling so mundane about it all?

 

Christmas this year has been very stressful. A plethora of things have been currently going on in my world, least of all the *small* issue that our flat has some damp and mould issues that are a borderline health hazard. Add to that the usual work/life/money woes, and it's pretty obvious how Christmas has fallen off my radar somewhat. 
 

 

Plus, I'm starting to understand that Christmas when you don't live at your mums is absolutely chaotic. The above picture was from last year, in front of a tree I had absolutely no involvement in putting up. But when you've moved out, no one else is going to buy or put up a tree. No one else subtly sneaks in tubs of chocolates and twiglets to snack on. There isn't a warm, readymade Christmas atmosphere waiting for you to come home to.  All that shit depends on you. How on earth do mums cram it in? I can barely find the time to blog, eat or sleep, let alone actually go out and buy a Christmas tree. I haven't had the time to decorate the flat at all, we have a few decorations which we've slowly accumulated, but there isn't a shred of it out. Our flat is currently a Christmas-free zone. If only it looked like this display in Gould Garden Centre...
 

 

I am so aware that it's the 14th of December, and I need to get my shit together, proto.

 

Basically, I need some Christmas spirit, fast. So if anyone wants to constantly remind me of all the wonderful things about Christmas that would be great. Or you could bring us a Christmas tree. And if you could wrap my Christmas presents for me whilst you're at it, that would be even better. 

 

 

Much love  ♥

King and queen of the castle...

My home county is beautiful.

 

However, the sad truth is, I very rarely get to explore it beyond my little corner in Weymouth. Weymouth itself is very picturesque, I mean, my daily commute to work is literally just a 10 minute walk along the beach. There are definitely worse place to live in the world.

 

My partner James and I have made a pact, to get out and enjoy where we live, as much as we can. This prompted our spontaneous day trip to Corfe Castle a few weeks ago.

 

History lesson! Corfe Castle was built by William the Conqueror (Not literally, more that he decided, 'Hey, see that hill in Dorset? You know what would look great there? A castle.') It was built in the 11th century, and was destroyed in the 17th century, leaving it in the state we see it now. Located just down the road from Swanage (a lovely seaside town which you absolutely must visit), Corfe Castle sits on the hill, overlooking the village which shares its name.

 

Corfe Castle is now owned by the National Trust, and has become a huge tourist attraction in my part of the world. The village surrounding the castle is quaint, with classic British pubs, tearooms, and locally owned shops.

 

As well as paying for entry to the castle for a little explore, another must-do activity is taking a ride on the steam train which stops in the village. The train runs from Norden to Swanage, and costs as little as £2.70 for just a quick 10 minutes return journey to Norden. It's certainly a unique way to explore more of the area around the castle, very quintessentially British, and nostalgic. Plus you can stick your head out the window and pretend you're in The Railway Children or something similar.

 

Essentially, it was a really low-key, stress-free way to spend our day with no time constraints. As we visited in November, even though it was a Saturday, it wasn't particularly busy, meaning we could potter along at our own pace and not be swept into a busy crowd.

 

I would definitely recommend that you pop along to Corfe Castle should you ever find yourself in Dorset (and if you live here, just go and explore!)

 

Much love ♥

 

Wanderlust has had a makeover...

 

Whilst I was browsing through some of my favourite blogs, I found myself getting ever so envious about how pretty their layouts were. I'd built my old layout myself, and honestly it was pretty naff. I'm not the best with coding and all things computer speak, so I just chucked a few basic bits together, made my own header (which by the way, survived the makeover), and muddled through.

 

But those days are gone. I invested in a new theme, paid a few quid for it, and got free installation as well. Bish bash bosh. Done. The theory is, now my blog is all pretty and fancy, I'll be much more inclined to update it more regularly. I'm really impressed with how it looks, it actually now looks like a professional website, so clean and easy to navigate.

I'm also going to try and use a lot more of mine (and my boyfriend James) photography, like the picture above which I took from the plane window on the way back from Amsterdam. So no more flooding my blog with a million GIFs like I used to!

 

Sometimes all you need is a good tidy up and refresh.

 

Let me know what you think of our new look, either drop a comment below or send a message in our fancy new Contact tab above ^^^

 

Much love ♥

 

Amster...oh damn!

Guess who has internet!!

I don't know where to begin, it feels like forever since I last sat down and wrote a proper blog post, and I'll admit I'm a bit nervous because it feels like I've completely forgotten how to write. So bear with me please!